doublen

Dear Readers,

 I am a female, 25 yrs old, and have been married 2 years on March 31st.  I have known my husband for 7 years, and we have actually been together for just under 4 of those years.  My goal in my blogs is to help marriages on the verge of the ”Big D”, or to help with marriages that are just fine, but could use a little ”tuning up”.  As we all know being married isn’t always gum drops and lemon drops, so I would like to offer some advice and some of my experiences to you.  

Okay, so enough about me, I’m sure if you all would like to know more you can comment or send me a message.   I will do my best to fill you in lightly otherwise.  My goal here is to help my readers not “blah, blah, blah”, about me the whole way.

In my experience, I have noticed that most relationships start off pretty much the same, give or take a few minor details.  At first it is all bliss, “oh what could we possibly fight about? we get along so well, he or she seems to be perfect”,  and usually along with those thoughts, its all romance, gifts, and what have you.  Everything seems to be falling into place, you spend all of your time together.  And if you’re not together, you’re on the phone for hours, expressing your undying love, and how things are going so great, and you can’t wait until the next time you see one another.  Am I right?  Of course, because in the beginning, even though you and your significant other have both mutually agreed that there is “no other”.  You’re still doing things to impress that person, you are still going above and beyond to please the other person.  When in all actuality, you are setting yourself up for failure, and you don’t even know it! 

Have you ever been in a position where you have considered “getting serious” with someone, or getting married, and you’re asking around to all of your friends or family for advice?  What is the response you usually get?  “No! Don’t do it, it’s a trap! Everything will change!”.  Of course you’re going to get those responses.  And then it starts to scare you.  You start second guessing yourself or your partner.  You start nit picking at the littlest things, and then before you know it your relationship is on the rocks, and I don’t mean the kind in a glass of Vodka.

I think that every-one’s biggest fear is commitment.  Even those die hard romantics who think they have it all figured out.  And might I add, that the ones who think they have it all figured out, fail the most, because everything is not going their own particular way.  Once someone sets themselves on a path, they usually map it out.  This will happen this way, and that will happen that way, which will lead to everything going all my way.  Unfortunately, that is the biggest way to mess up the relationship.  The key words there being “all my way”.  It is supposed to be “all OUR way”, you see?  I think that it is simply natural for a human being to react in a negative way when something or someone doesn’t go the way “WE” plan.  The key in a relationship is to plan things TOGETHER, not separately, fighting over whose way is the best.  And let me clarify, when I say “things”, I don’t mean vacations, or trips to the grocery store.  I mean “things” as in emotions.  Emotions from one person to another differ so greatly, no matter how in sync you may feel with that person.  Chances are, someone is adjusting their reality to fit the other, or both are doing just that.  Then what do you have?  Garbage.  To put it lightly.  Nothing is real.  My advice for now, and I promise that I will have many more blogs, is whether, you are just starting a relationship, or if you have been together for a long time, is to just be yourself.  I know it’s such a simple phrase.  You may hear that all of the time.  But I don’t think that anyone, truly takes to heart the repercussions of disobeying that phrase.  The second you become someone else, to impress another person or persons.  You lose who you really are, and I promise you at some point down the line, you’re going to miss the real you.  But how will you know if the person you are with, likes that person, if they have never met them? 

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